I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve been binging on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel ever since the new season aired. And while swooning over the costumes and reveling in the glitz and the glam, I particularly appreciate how sassy Midge always has the perfect comeback. She has an uncanny knack for getting on stage and going off the cuff. Always ready with the appropriate one liner to zing the hecklers. Now, I’m sure having a screen writer doesn’t hurt, but there are way too many moments in life where I think of the perfect thing to say far too late…
Awhile back I met one of my best friends for dinner – we’ve recently discovered a new favorite local haunt Dram Yard, which is short on seating but high on amazing tapas and strong cocktails. As I am wont to do, when I have a dinner out, I tend to use it as an opportunity to get dressed in something a bit extra (who am I kidding? That’s usually my Tuesday). That evening it was that most stunning hand-painted flower skirt, in hues of bright red and ice blue, petals curving around my hips. After we mutually exclaimed over each other’s outfits, we sat and got down to important matters like what cocktail to order.
We were about halfway through our drinks and a rapid fire catch up, when I noticed a set of couples paying their bill and making their way over to our table. In the middle of a work story, they interrupted us to compliment my skirt. Although it was a bit startling to be approached with a broccoli rapini spear heading towards my gullet, I had to agree that MEO-C.28‘s artistry is remarkable and thanked them. With all pleasantries passed, I thought here was the point where they might go on their way. But you know what they say about making a plan….
Instead of wandering away to leave us to our overflowing table and even more overflowing gossip, they asked if I would stand up so they could see this beautiful skirt better. Now, I’m no expert here, but I’m sure that while Emily Post would have frowned on the dinner table interruption, she would have been downright livid at being asked to stand up in the middle of a meal.
I should admit at this point I’m just awful in the moment. Midge Maisel I am not, and will usually be so startled by a request that I’ll comply to avoid a conflict. So I stood. I twirled. One of the women even felt so emboldened to lift up my skirt so she could check out my crinoline. In the middle of a restaurant. Flashing a whole lot of lace and tulle to the crowds. (Emily Post actually imploded in her grave. I could feel the earth shudder). I tried to make light of it, laughing that they might have to buy our dinner since they’ve now seen up my skirt. They chortled. We parted. And I sat down stunned. My dear friend slowly pushed my cocktail towards me without a word…
There are two things inherently wrong with what happened that night. Although I am aware that I dress in a way that attracts comments and attention, it bothered me to my core to have my personal space so blatantly invaded. It hinted at the assumption that I exist simply for public consumption, just because I’m wearing something beautiful. Because while I appreciate every lovely compliment and kind word, I still don’t dress for anyone but myself. I’ve said this. I try to live this. I don’t have to allow someone into my space just because they felt they belonged there. As we left the restaurant and headed down the road for a glass of wine, my friend asked me how often those kinds of things happen. And after a brief pause I confessed, “More often than you’d think.”
But here’s the second (and probably bigger) issue: I didn’t speak up. I didn’t say no. And while they need to take responsibility for their rudeness, I need to take responsibility for my silence. The words literally died in my throat, so shocked was I to be asked to stand and twirl and have my underskirts examined as if I were a horse ready to be purchased. I’ve never been pregnant, but suddenly have a really good sense of what it must be like for expectant mothers to have strangers feel completely justified in touching their stomach. It’s not okay. It will never be okay
As I got dressed this morning, sliding my arms into this perfect Juli Lynne Charlot cardigan from Lucky Ducky Vintage and straightening my petticoats underneath this rose printed skirt from Sartorial Matters, I relived that night. Partly to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all (cause what else are you going to do?). And partly to be a bit angry at myself. As is my lot in life, I kept thinking of the things I could’ve, should’ve, would’ve said. Instead of the million ways I often go with the flow to avoid a fuss.
And would it have been so awful? To turn politely when they asked if I would stand and simply say, “Actually, I’m here to have dinner with my friend. But thank you and enjoy your night.” And they would have probably left, slightly tipsy from those scrummy cocktails, and never thought about it again. Because in this day and age, as I sit enraged in the rubble that is our country at the moment, I finally get to decide. I do not have to quietly comply to avoid causing a scene. I don’t have to be agreeable if a request is unreasonable. I get to set my own boundaries, and don’t need to quietly accept a world that treats me like an object.
Because roses are red. But boundaries are blue.
xoxo
Outfit Details:
Top: Unique Vintage
Cardigan: Juli Lynne Charlot, Lucky Ducky Vintage (similar here & here)
Skirt: Sartorial Matters (similar modern & vintage here, here, & here)
Necklace: gift, Magnolia (similar)
Handbag: gift (similar)
Shoes: Chelsea Crew (similar)
Lip Color: Dior Rouge 634
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Any items marked with a “c/o” (courtesy of) a retailer mean I was provided with an item for free in exchange for a review on my blog. I always provide my honest opinion of any item I’m reviewing, regardless of whether it was sent to me as a courtesy item or if I purchased it myself. In addition, this post may contain affiliate links. This means that if you click and/or make a purchase through certain links or ads on this site, I may make a commission from that click and/or purchase at no cost to you, which helps with the day-to-day running costs of my blog.